January 2020

The white sky blankets the city today, and the seagulls cry out as they fly overhead. As I watch them from this week’s bedroom’s window, I’m brought back to childhood memories on the other side of the world, waiting at the old dock for the next ferry to come take us across the sound. Back when every journey out had its inevitable return trip home, where everyone I knew would still be waiting. Back before one-way tickets, before the endless parade of new faces. Back when the world was small and responsibilities few. But I’m cautious not to let my current state distort these memories: this was also back when I felt confined and claustrophobic, restless to explore the world beyond my little island, and with an arrogance not yet burned away by the humbling fires of failure and pain. I made a choice, and it’s a choice I continue to make for a reason. I sigh and put on my running shoes, wishing I could say yes to one life without saying no to another.